Kids deserve better than yet another dull, going-through-the-motions misfire.

The animation world was recently startled by Warner Bros.’ announcement that they planned to shelve their recently completed feature Coyote vs Acme for a quick tax write-off, rather than spend money to release it. Not to be outdone, Disney Studios offers up Wish, an animated feature that is the kind of artistic misfire that deserves to be hidden away and never spoken about again. This is a creation so alternately bewildering and banal that it’s implausible that at no point during the entire creative process did anyone point out the seemingly obvious fact that virtually none of it works on even the most basic levels.

Wish takes place in the kingdom of Rosas, which was founded and is currently ruled by Magnifico (Chris Pine), a seemingly benevolent sorcerer who offers peace and protection for all those who live there. The catch is that they must surrender their deepest wish to Magnifico, who stores them in the lab in his castle in bubbles and once in a great while returns one to the person who made it. Inexplicably, the people of Rosas think this is a good deal, none more so than Asha (Ariana DeBose), a teenager who is all in on both Rosas and Magnifico and is hoping that the latter will present her beloved grandfather (Victor Argo) with his wish to commemorate his upcoming 100th birthday.

When Asha is summoned to apply for the job of Magnifico’s apprentice, everything seems to be falling into place. However, during her meeting with Magnifico she quickly discovers that he would rather hoard the dreams for himself (save for the occasional innocuous one), and refuses to relinquish any that could threaten either Rosas or his reign, including the one belonging to Asha’s grandfather. Finally recognizing the folly of people sacrificing their greatest wishes, Asha makes a new wish and, to her shock, gets a response in the form of Star, an impish celestial body that has a wide array of magical powers, including gifting animals, such as Asha’s pet goat Valentino (Alan Tudyk), with the power of speech. With the aid of Star, Valentino, and her friends, Asha is determined to free the captured wishes and return them to the people who made them. At the same time, the increasingly paranoid Magnifico is determined to capture Star and harness its incredible powers for himself.

In the broad strokes, Wish sounds like just the kind of grand animated fantasy tale that is synonymous with the Disney name. However, this one feels as if it has been constructed entirely out of ideas scavenged from the studio’s reject pile. For starters, the basic premise is so odd (especially in how the film essentially glosses over the concept of someone voluntarily giving up their greatest wish) that it takes far too long to figure out what exactly is happening. If a reasonably intelligent adult finds themself struggling to understand the key story points, what are the young members of the target audience going to make of it?

The characters are also lacking. Although DeBose and Pine certainly give their all in their vocal performances, not even their evident enthusiasm can quite hide the fact that the characters they’re voicing are as blah as can be. Asha is cheerful spunky and resourceful, but completely devoid of any of the details or nuance that might have made her into someone more memorable or interesting. Magnifico seems a little more promising at first but his shift into evil mode is way too abrupt to be believed, and even then, he never becomes truly fearsome in the manner of the most memorable Disney villains. Asha’s sidekicks Star and Valentino are cute enough to sell lots of toys this Christmas but contribute little besides that. The former is just too cutesy, while the latter mostly just drops one-liners that land with nearly audible thuds throughout. 

Visually, the combination of 2D and 3D animation is superficially attractive but the two approaches never merge into a cohesive whole and, once again, there is nothing particularly memorable or striking about the design. As for the songs by Julia Michaels and Benjamin Rice, they are uniformly bland, and not a single one of them does anything to advance the narrative or our understanding of the characters. Every single one of them could have been stripped out of the finished film without losing much in the process. 

Perhaps the most disappointing element of Wish (a film that seems to be comprised entirely of disappointing elements) is that this is the project that represents Disney Studios as they celebrate their 100th anniversary. As a result, the film is filled with little Easter eggs and references to their past animated accomplishments. On the one hand, these bits are a bit of a welcome diversion: you and your friends can challenge each other to see who can find and list the most without worrying about being distracted by anything regarding the story. On the other, they also serve as an inevitable and perhaps unfortunate reminder of the ambitions and qualities of the films that helped the studio reach that landmark anniversary, and how absent they are from this particular entry.

While adults aren’t the target audience for Wish, not even the younger viewers who are its key demographic are going to have that much interest in it either. Because it’s bright and colorful and silly, they might watch it once but most likely won’t return to it as they do with the films, many of them Disney animated works, that they embrace. For a film that spends much of its time talking about magic, it’s too bad that Wish displays so little of it.

Wish is now playing in theaters.