Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
Despite their hue, not all TMNT films deserved to be greenlit.
Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird created The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles back in 1984. Now almost 40 years later, what started as a comic book has inspired seven movies, five television series, and countless amounts of merchandise. This week the four ninja tortoises return in a new animated incarnation, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem. Considering I’ve been a fan of the Turtles since six years old, this seems like the perfect time to put an official rating on four decades of movies. Some are gnarly, some tubular, and there’s always a whole lot of cowabunga.
Writers Note: This list doesn’t include the recent Netflix installment Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie, a TV-movie crossover Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or the live recording of the 1990 Coming Out of Their Shells stage show. That one you can catch on YouTube, although I don’t know why you would. Continue Reading →
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One
SimilarArmageddon (1998), Beverly Hills Cop (1984), Beverly Hills Cop II (1987), Beverly Hills Cop III (1994), Die Hard 2 (1990), Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995), Godzilla Raids Again (1955),
Jackie Brown (1997) Jaws: The Revenge (1987),
Live and Let Die (1973) Live Free or Die Hard (2007), Ocean's Twelve (2004), Spider-Man 2 (2004), Spider-Man 3 (2007), Superman Returns (2006), The Matrix Reloaded (2003), The Matrix Revolutions (2003),
Watch afterBarbie (2023) Five Nights at Freddy's (2023), Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023),
Oppenheimer (2023) The Equalizer 3 (2023), The Flash (2023), The Nun II (2023),
One of Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One's earliest pieces of marketing was a trailer-by-way-of-behind-the-scenes featurette. In that clip, Tom Cruise, strapped to a motorcycle, rockets off the edge of a cliff in the Swiss Alps. He lets the bike drop away before popping his parachute and sailing into the horizon. It's one of the most death-defying sequences ever captured on film and, as we now know, it's one Cruise himself did again and again and again. The sequence, even devoid of context, sums up exactly what director Chris McQuarrie and Cruise (the two are also co-producers) hoped to achieve in Dead Reckoning: grade A movie spectacle. Continue Reading →
Clifford the Big Red Dog
SimilarBen-Hur (1959), Dr. No (1962), From Russia with Love (1963), Goldfinger (1964),
Live and Let Die (1973) On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969), Scrooge (1951), Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971), You Only Live Twice (1967),
Watching Clifford the Big Red Dog, it immediately becomes clear that the titular canine’s red fur represents represent the blood of the proletariat spilled at the altar of capitalism. After all, why else would Clifford populate the cast with kindly working-class humans while delivering antagonists in the form of big Pharma executives, cops, and even a pesky landlord? Clifford’s slapstick rampage is directed at the bourgeoise, whose massive number of sins are reflected in Clifford’s gigantic stature. Old Dogs auteur Walt Becker is putting the transgressions of the privileged class on display and introducing children to the concept of class consciousness. Continue Reading →