The iconic video game franchise gets a prickly, unoriginal adaptation that piles on the contrivances and dated references.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. The greatest trick Sonic the Hedgehog ever pulled, on the other hand, was convincing the viewer it was harmlessly mediocre. But while the Devil is outright evil, the feature debut from Jeff Fowler is much more cynical: the kind of empty calories that fattens up the audience before leading them to the slaughter.
For a while, it just feels mundane. The performances are on autopilot, but at least they aren’t crashing straight into the ground. The visual effects are cacophonou and the action scenes are derivative as can be, but at least they’re okay given the context. And then it clicks. Not only is this adaptation empty. It’s also aimless and without enough connective tissue to work on a baseline level, kind of like those viral tweets that tell people to make a run-on sentence with their phone’s predictive text function.
It’s more than a little confused in that way too. Here’s a movie ostensibly made for families and children based on the video game franchise that’s approaching its 30th anniversary, but it’s not really that. It’s more the sort of pandering nostalgia that signals a lack of originality, only it’s unstuck in both time and context. Using the handy E.T. formula, writers Patrick Casey & Josh Miller use its characters as empty vessels. Worse yet, the title character (voiced by Ben Schwartz) isn’t so much a character as he is a mascot to print money.
The movie opens en media res before at which point Sonic introduces himself with oodles of exposition. First, he explains how he took refuge from his home planet after his super-speed attracted too much attention. (He also implies that baddies wanted his powers as if they could be passed on. In one of the film’s many dead ends, this turns out to be just a put-on.) Then he explains his life on earth or, more specifically, his life in the small town of Green Hills, Montana.
He lives vicariously through local cop Tom (James Marsden) and his wife, Maddie (Tika Sumpter), from outside their window. But this loneliness is really getting to him, and one night while playing baseball by himself, he sets off a region-wide blackout. He takes refuge again at Tom’s house just in time for the government to label Tom as, yes, an undercover terrorist. A series of mishaps unfold, Sonic accidentally uses one of his golden rings to open a portal to San Francisco, passes out after Tom shoots him with a tranquilizer dart, and ends up sending the rest of his rings out of state.
It’s perfect timing too, what with the military sending Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey) to catch the pair—even though not a single agent wants this guy involved. So why do they do it? Well, how else are the filmmakers going to get the franchise villain involved? The movie establishes itself on a bed of contrivances that don’t work on a narrative level, much less one that plays into the franchise’s mythology or history. The characters are joke vessels at best and mascots at worst, and the central plot, as previously explained, is completely detached from itself.
Sonic the Hedgehog doesn’t just traffic nostalgia. It exploits it without understanding anything about it.
It’s not necessarily that the starting point itself is shoddily constructed. That’s an issue, of course, but it should at least have some bearing on what follows. But no: instead it’s potshot after potshot in a script where any sort of momentum falls at the expense of generic set pieces that puff the runtime to a feature-length. There isn’t even a basic sense of conflict here given how openly myopic each plot device is. For a movie about speed, it’s bizarrely subservient to dated pop culture references.
This, as it so happens, is the obvious symptom of its mishmash tone. Sonic the Hedgehog wants to be light and zippy, but there’s no world to base it in. The conceit of getting from point A to point B runs tangentially to a deeper story about home and belonging, but the movie seems entirely unaware of this. The references, be they to Fitbits or Olive Garden, are too stale to work for adults and too detached to work for kids. Worse yet, the action scenes are aped from other movies without the slightest attempt to hide the counterfeit nature of it all.
Maybe there’s something nefariously brilliant about all of this from a business perspective. The final product plays more like a checklist of what might work for some instead of what would benefit the movie itself. The inoffensiveness of it, the stock characters that fill the script, the feeling that it was made in 2006—Sonic the Hedgehog doesn’t just traffic nostalgia. It exploits it without understanding anything about it.
Sonic the Hedgehog is currently zooming through theaters nationwide.
Sonic the Hedgehog Trailer:
Read next: The Spool's Best New Releases
Streaming guides
The Best Live TV Streaming Services With Free Trial
The praises of live TV streaming services don’t need to be further sung. By now, we all know that compared to clunky, commitment-heavy cable, live TV is cheaper and much easier to manage. But just in case you’re still on the fence about jumping over to the other side, or if you’re just unhappy with ... The Best Live TV Streaming Services With Free Trial
How to Watch Power Book III: Raising Kanan Season 3
Season 3 of the hotly anticipated Power spin-off, Power Book III: Raising Kanan, is arriving on Starz soon, so you know what that means: it’s the ’90s again in The Southside, and we’re back with the Thomas family as they navigate the ins and outs of the criminal underworld they’re helping build. Mekai Curtis is ... How to Watch Power Book III: Raising Kanan Season 3
How to Watch Doctor Who: 60th Anniversary Specials
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re so back! To celebrate Doctor Who’s 60th anniversary, the BBC is producing a three-episode special starring none other than the Tenth/Fourteenth Doctor himself, David Tennant. And to the supreme delight of fans (that would be me, dear reader), the Doctor will be joined by old-time companion Donna Noble (Catherine Tate) and ... How to Watch Doctor Who: 60th Anniversary Specials
Which Netflix Country Has Each Movie of The Hunger Games?
For whatever reason, The Hunger Games series isn’t available in the same countries around the world. You’ll find the first and second (aka the best) installments in Hong Kong, for instance, but not the third and fourth. It’s a frustrating dilemma, especially if you don’t even have a single entry in your region, which is ... Which Netflix Country Has Each Movie of The Hunger Games?
How to watch Lost Cities Revealed with Albert Lin Season 2
After a years-long hiatus, scientist and explorer Albert Lin is coming back to National Geographic with a fresh new season of Lost Cities, renamed “Lost Cities Revealed.” In the past, Lin, who is probably the closest we’ll ever get to a real-life Indiana Jones, has traveled everywhere from the ancient Knights Templar in Israel to ... How to watch Lost Cities Revealed with Albert Lin Season 2
How to Watch Paramount Network With a Free Trial
To date, Paramount Network has only two original shows on air right now: Yellowstone and Bar Rescue. The network seems to have its hands full with on-demand streaming service Paramount+, which is constantly stacked with a fresh supply of new shows. But Yellowstone and Bar Rescue are so sturdy and expansive that the network doesn’t ... How to Watch Paramount Network With a Free Trial
How to Watch WE TV With a Free Trial
Previously “Women’s Entertainment,” We TV has since rebranded to accurately reflect its name and be a more inclusive lifestyle channel. It’s home to addictive reality gems like Bold and Bougie, Bridezillas, Marriage Boot Camp, and The Untold Stories of Hip Hop. And when it’s not airing original titles, it has on syndicated shows like 9-1-1, ... How to Watch WE TV With a Free Trial
How to Watch FX With a Free Trial
You’d be hard-pressed to find a bad show airing on FX. The channel has made a name for itself as a bastion of high-brow TV, along with HBO and AMC. It’s produced shows like Atlanta, Fargo, The Americans, Archer, and more recently, Shogun. But because it’s owned by Disney, it still airs several blockbusters in ... How to Watch FX With a Free Trial
How to Watch A&E With A Free Trial
If you’re a fan of true crime and insider docu-shows like The First 48 and Court Cam, then you’re probably already familiar with A&E. The cable channel is home to other reality TV gems like Hoarders, Duck Dynasty, and Storage Wars (they’ve moved on to spin-offs like Road Wars, Customer Wars, and Prison Wars now). ... How to Watch A&E With A Free Trial
How to Watch Unimás With a Free Trial
As the sister channel of the much bigger Univision, Unimás is home to popular Spanish-language telenovelas and talk shows (yes, including El Gordo y La Flaca), as well as a couple of sports events and programs. Most notably, however, Unimás also operates a couple of station affiliates around the country, so it also reports local ... How to Watch Unimás With a Free Trial
How to Watch TNT With A Free Trial
For many sports fans, TNT is a non-negotiable. It broadcasts NBA, MLB, NHL, college basketball, and All Elite Wrestling matches. And, as a bonus, it also has reruns of shows like Supernatural, Charmed, and NCIS, as well as films like The Avengers, Dune, and Justice League. But while TNT used to be a cable staple, ... How to Watch TNT With A Free Trial